Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
