Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
