Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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