You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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