did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
