What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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