i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize