Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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