Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
