Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You pole danced in your parka.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
