I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
