i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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