I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
