She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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