summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
