Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
