I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN