I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
