I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You were trust falling into bushes
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
