sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
