i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
