no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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