Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize