Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
3 2 1 whiskey
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize