If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
