You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
