she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
