The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
