I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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