youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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