I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
