please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
