does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
