Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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