I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
