I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
