This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
