i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
