A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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