i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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