every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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