I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
