i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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