Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
