you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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