I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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