is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
