Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
