I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
