My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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