420 ftw
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
