I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
