You smell like stripper and shame
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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