Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
