I CAN MOONWALK!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
