Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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