you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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