Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
