Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Found your dick twin last night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
