Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
