Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I deserve to be covered in dicks
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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