flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
