just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this just has baby written all over it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
