Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
